Sensible Bakwas » Fiction » Hidden

Hidden

Dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans, Mansi stood there with her arms folded. The breeze was blowing her hair in all directions and her eyes were staring at the sea searching for answers – answers now hidden in the depths of time. Time and again she would dig into her pockets and take out a piece of paper, hold it to her heart and cry. Every time she did, she would wipe them off upon hearing her two little kids talk among themselves.

A few yards away, Raj looked at this woman with helpless eyes, while hiding behind a rock. “I wish I could, I really do.” He said to himself. “I wish I could hold you in my arms right now. I wish I could just kiss those eyes and take all your pains upon me. I know I cannot justify what I did, I can’t justify leaving you like this, but I know one day you will understand why. I wish I could just fall on knees and beg for your forgiveness and tell you that I still love you like I did the first day we met. But I know I can’t. The truth will always remain hidden and so will my love. I’ll always love you, no matter how much you may hate me.”

As he saw his two little kids try to build the sand-castle he smiled at himself and thought, “Your father was a coward, but I know you have gone on your mother and will grow up to be fine women one day. I wish I could see you grow up; I wish I could see you build your lives just as you build this castle. Don’t ever give up in life, not like I did. Don’t hide from you problems or mistakes the way I did. I love you more than anything else in this world. I hope you will love me the same way.”

“Come on darlings, time to go home. It’s getting late!” called out Mansi to her little kids. Raj followed them back home hiding in the darkness of the night. Back home, Mansi put her two kids off to sleep, put the lights off and went into her room. She sat back on the chair, switched on the table lamp and wept again as she read the little piece paper Raj had left. “Why did you not tell me!” she screamed at the note as if it were Raj himself. “We could have got through this together, only if you had not hidden it from me. But I promise you, I will not run away and hide, I will face whatever consequences this brings to us. Your daughters will never know the truth behind their father. But, I will never forgive you for what you have done. Never!”

Raj was hiding in the darkness of the room as Mansi uttered these words. Although he felt bad as he heard them, he was happy to know that at least his daughters wouldn’t grow up knowing the truth. A little later Mansi got up, opened her cupboard and put the piece of paper in it. Beside the note lay a rope – the rope by which Raj had hung himself.

As she closed the door and locked the cupboard, she said “I want these to remain here, as a testimony to your betrayal. But they will remain locked and hidden forever for I don’t want them to cast a shadow on my daughters.”

Written by

Tavish is the administrator and founder of Sensible Bakwas. He is a software engineer by profession and a writer by passion. In case you want to get in touch with him, he is an email away at tavish.chadha@gmail.com. Hope you enjoy your time here. Do leave your feedback in the comment section here.

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46 Responses to "Hidden"

  1. binzy says:

    Nice story, Tavish. Just intrigued a bit. Is Raj a ghost? If he is, then why he had to hide behind the rocks ? Or is it that Raj is on the run and he had feined his suicide? What was the nature of problem Raj faced ?? These questions are unanswered in the story or is it 'HIDDEN'. Otherwise it's very well written story. Your choice of words is also perfect. Awesome job !!

  2. Chatterbox says:

    Wow! that was a fantastic story :D
    Loads of drama, emotions, thrill and also a ghost.

    Best wishes for the contest Tavish :)

  3. The Fool says:

    Nice, terse narrative. And subtly brings home the message that suicide is not the solution to one's problems.

  4. Richa Sharma says:

    The story is extremely sensible and not at all bakwaas :)
    As always, your style of delivery is impeccable.
    Kp Writing!!

  5. Shahid says:

    Brilliant story…brilliant!!!!

  6. Vikas Khair says:

    Good Web of Words. and Binzy answer to your question is although Raj was a ghost, he did all that he did just out of old habit. and anyways who can predict Ghost's behavior. I know I can't, for I have never seen one LOL.

  7. Phoenixritu says:

    Nice story! Blog rolling you – of course!

  8. Vibhuti B says:

    Hey Tavish,
    fantastic story again! A very different take on the subject. Though i felt many layers of the story could have been explored or have you kept them HIDDEN on purpose? :P Was ths writtn in a hurry for i spotted a couple of errors.."..he smiled at himself and said thought, “Your .."
    over all very good yaar! ATB again..:D

  9. Mahesh Kalaal says:

    Though the plot is good, comprehensive impact is missing
    Frankly, it could have been better buddy….
    I know we cannot manage logic all the time in an emotional story

  10. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    binzy
    yes Raj is a ghost. The hiding behind the rocks was only there to explain his basic character of a coward. The nature of his problems are hidden on purpose. My basic intent was to describe the emotions of a woman whose husband has committed suicide and the perspective of the husband who isnt a part of this world now, but wish he was only to explain the reasons behind why he committed cuiside. Thanks for your lovely comments… glad u like it… and welcome to sensible bakwas

  11. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    CB
    Thanks for the wishes CB! :D

  12. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    The Fool
    Thanks buddy. Glad u liked it :)

  13. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Richa
    Thanks for those lovely words buddy. :D

  14. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Shahid
    Thanks buddy! :D

  15. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Vikas
    lol.. yeah… who can predict that… thanks for the comments buddy.. welcome to Sensible Bakwas :)

  16. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Phoenixritu
    Hey thanks.. that was so sweet of you. :)

  17. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Vibhuti
    Hurry mein toh yes, it was because I really didnt have much time to write it… but the basic intent was to describe the emotions of a woman whose husband has committed suicide and the perspective of the husband who isnt a part of this world now, but wish he was only to explain the reasons behind why he committed suicide. I had this image in my head and wanted to describe just that… the rest of the layers as u said were hidden on purpose… hehe
    thanks for pointing out the typo… its been corrected :)

  18. pal says:

    Enjoyed reading this, well done!! Especially liked the character of the wife.. strong and sensible woman.

  19. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Mahesh
    I now buddy. it could have been better… well the intent wasnt to write a who;e story on it as I mentioned in the comments above… well since I havent been able to get that aspect out clearly i guess u r right… it could and should have been much better…. thanks for your comment anyways.. always fab to have some critical comments and who better than bloggers like u :)

  20. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    pal
    Thanks buddy… am glad u like it! :)

  21. Sourav C. Pandey says:

    Strong message with a simple story! Well done!
    Few qualities and few things are better hidden for life!
    I disapprove of your blog's name,it should be only 'sensible and no bakwaas'! :)

    Hidden…in love with me and life! :)

  22. Leo says:

    a ghost behind a rock? :o talk about cowardly spirits! this was one lovely narration!

    Leo – Hidden

  23. tikulicious says:

    I love Ghost stories :). All the very best

  24. Pooja Menon says:

    Lovely! Never expected the ghost part! Well done! All the best :)

  25. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Sourav
    ha ha… thanks man… glad u liked it :)

  26. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Leo
    Lol yeah…cowardly spirit he was for sure! Thanks allot buddy!

  27. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    tikulicious
    All the best to u too!

  28. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Pooja
    Thanks Pooja. All the best to u too! :)

  29. Tuppence says:

    Nice story . The truth of how there is a need to
    hide certain things from the closest to heart relationships. Only we know that it is for their good and peace of mind . Very nicely brought out and beautifully linked to the theme of ' hidden' as well.
    tuppence

  30. Nethra says:

    A ghost story with lotta drama and emotions. Nice! :)

  31. Someone Is Special says:

    Ghost? Well Hidden.

    gmsaravana-hidden

    Yours Frendly,
    Saravana Kumar M

  32. Scribbling Girl says:

    wow this was fantastic and so different.
    A mixed sense of emotions captured so well.
    Amazing work.

  33. adreamygal says:

    Well description of emotions of a woman ! Well there were some parts which made me ask some question , but I think that was intentionally hidden !! :) Well written :) All the best for BATOM :)

  34. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Tuppence
    Thanks allot. Am glad u liked it! :)

  35. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Nethra
    Thanks allot Nethra!

  36. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Someone Is Special
    Thanks buddy. I am glad u liked it. :)

  37. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Scribbling Girl
    Hey thanks. I am glad liked it! :)

  38. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    adreamygal
    yup that was intentional. :)
    All the best to u too. :)

  39. Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe says:

    hey tav that was a ossum story man…. it was like a movie script…too good!!!

  40. Gyanban says:

    I think with every post and story you are doing a wonderful job. I liked this one.
    good stuff.

  41. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Sid
    hey thanks buddy… feels great coming from a blogger like u! :)

  42. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Gyanban
    wow! that was flattering… specially coming from someone whose writing i really look upto so much! Thanks a ton!!

  43. Purba says:

    Very touching story, loved it.

  44. Deeps!! says:

    He is dead right? the fact that u have shown pain even in the dead, and kept the reason well hidden is beautiful!! liked ur work loads!! and just started following you..! so amazed that I already don't!

  45. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Pruba
    hey thanks buddy. I am glad u liked it. :)

  46. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Deeps!!
    wow, that's a really flattering comment. Thank you so much! Portraying the emotions of a dead person was the real reason behind posting this and am so glad it came out… thank u so much for the comment… and thanks for following me too! :)

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