Sensible Bakwas » humour » The Soccers in Indian Politics

The Soccers in Indian Politics

If TRP ratings are anything to go by, yes, it’s official. For the first time in Indian sporting history, cricket has been sidelined by football. Italy’s exit from the football world cup made bigger news than India winning the Asia Cup. Sensing the growing enthusiasm among the people, political parties wasted no time pouncing on the opportunity. Our correspondent Shilpa Garg caught up with B.J.P. spokesperson Rajiv Pratap Rudy, who was not looking very cheerful.

Shilpa: “Sir, the football fever seems to be touching the sky throughout the country, which team are you supporting?”

Mr Rudy: Well, I was supporting the French team. But, as you know they have been eliminated from the world cup. We are not going to sit quietly, we need answers, the government needs to answer why wasn’t any action taken to resolve the issues that the French team had with their coach? This is absolutely inexcusable. Do you realise the amount of money people have lost because of their pathetic performance?

Shilpa: But, what has the Indian government….

Mr Rudy: (Cuts her short) No, we will not take this sitting down. We have decided to move a no confidence motion against the government. We will leave no stone unturned in bringing this government down.

Shilpa: But sir…

Mr Rudy: (Cuts her short again) Please, I have to go now; there is a match between Brazil and Portugal tonight. I have a bet with Arun Jaitley on this match.

Shilpa: But sir, betting is illegal!

Mr Rudy: No, no , it’s not for the money. Based on who wins the bet today the high command will decide who gets the Rajya Sabha ticket.

After this rather absurd accusation, our correspondent, Kshitij Khurana caught up with Manish

Tiwari, the congress spokesperson.

Kshitij: Sir, what do you have to say in response to the accusations made by Mr Rajiv Pratap Rudy?

Mr Tiwari: This is an absolutely baseless and an outrageous accusation. Even I had put money on Italy, but am I complaining? And who are they to question us? What have they done to make sure France and Italy do well in the 2010 world cup? Having said that, the ministry of external affairs is looking into the matter and we are putting all the pressure we can to make sure this kind of a performance doesn’t get repeated in the next world cup. Madam Sonia Gandhi has herself lost a lot of money and is now taking personal interest into the matter.

Kshitij: How are all of you even betting on football? Don’t you guys know, betting is illegal?

Mr Tiwari: Oh is it? I thought only betting in cricket was illegal. Please cut out the betting part and keep the rest as it is.

Now that the two national parties had spoken up, how could the communists be ‘left’ far behind. Our correspondentHitesh Rawat travelled to Kolkata, one of the most football crazy cities in the country. Outside the state assembly, he caught up with the Chief Minister of Bengal, Mr. Buddhadeb Bhattacharya.

Hitesh: Sir, Kolkata must be on cloud 9 right now. As a Kolkatan, please describe to us what the mood is like out here.

Mr. Buddhadeb Bhattacharya: Oh yes, it’s a time for celebration for Kolkata right now. Especially after the recent unfortunate incidents in the state orchestrated by Mamata Banerjee and her goons, this event is definitely a welcome relief for us.

Hearing these words, Mamata Banerjee storms in and starts shouting, “What do you mean, unfortunate incidents orchestrated by me! The only unfortunate incident that has taken place was when you were elected as the chief minister and the CPI (M) formed the governments. Today Bengal comes second in the TRP ratings in the world cup viewership. Had we been in power we would have made sure Kolkata comes in first here too!”

Mr Bhattacharya responded by saying, “Huh! You are forgetting that first is Kerala, which is also a CPI (M) ruled state. People who are not in power should learn to keep their mouths shut and respect the people who are doing a good job!”

Both of them turn their faces away and walk in different directions and Hitesh is ‘left’ still recovering from the shock. Meanwhile Vinita, our Bihar correspondent caught up with Lalu Prasad Yadav.

Vinita: Mr Lalu, why do you think the Indian football team is still so low in the rankings and who do you blame for this?

Lalu: Aree you see, we not lack in err… talent. We have laats of talent here in hamra Bihar. But they are not able to come up because of the daaminance of states like Bengal and Goa.  We demand reservation for Biharies in the football team. Then see how well the team paarforms!

Vinita: Really? Bihar has a lot of talent? I am a little confused here, could you please explain a little further?

Lalu: What you talking about? There is no one better than our government officers when it comes to passing the files err I mean passing the ball here and there. We apply the same principle when we play football. The ball will keep passing from one player to other. So what if we don’t make any goals, we will not let the other team make a goal too!

Before Vinita could ask the next question she burst out laughing and Lalu had her thrown out of the house. After the rather unpleasant time In Bihar, we asked Vinita to go to Hyderabad and interview K Chandrashekhar Rao but she said she had had enough so we sent our correspondent Smitha to speak to Mr. Rao.

Smitha: The World cup fever seems to be spreading to all parts of the country but Andhra Pradesh seems to be lagging behind in the TRP ratings. What could be the reason behind this?

Mr. Rao: Firstly madam let me make it clear, I can only speak for Telangana not Andhra. This is a very wrong perception that we are not interested in football just because the TRP ratings are low. The TRP ratings are low because of the constant power cuts in the Telangana region. This is a conspiracy by the Andhra government to suppress the people of Telangana and malign them.

Smitha: So what do you intend to do about this?

Mr. Rao: Starting tomorrow we are going on a football protest march all around the Telangana Region to assert our right to have uninterrupted power at least during the football match. If our demands are not met, we shall go on a fast unto death strike. They will have to agree to our demands!

We also have unconfirmed reports from our correspondent Parth Dave reporting from Utter Pradesh that last night Mayavati convened an emergency meeting of the Bahujan Samajwadi Paty and decided to change their party symbol to football. In response to this Mulayam Singh Yadav’s Samajvadi Party has decided to change the party symbol to a picture of Christiano Ronaldo kicking the football and for this they will be signing a 1 million dollar deal with the star footballer.

So as you can see it’s a cheerful mood all over the country, not just among the aam aadmi but also the political leadership.

That it’s from Sensible Bakwas!

Waka! Waka!

P.S. This news bulletin brought to you by the Wordsworth Legions team whose team members can be found below:

ShilpaSmithaLazy PineappleKshitijParth and Hitesh

Written by

Tavish is the administrator and founder of Sensible Bakwas. He is a software engineer by profession and a writer by passion. In case you want to get in touch with him, he is an email away at tavish.chadha@gmail.com. Hope you enjoy your time here. Do leave your feedback in the comment section here.

Filed under: humour

44 Responses to "The Soccers in Indian Politics"

  1. Lazy Pineapple says:

    Very Hilarious Tavish….loved it :)
    Mujhe Lalu ka interbhew lene bhej diya ?

  2. Sree says:

    They are all the same, aren't they? Very predictable as the Jabulani now is! :D
    Good one…all the best for this round!! :)

  3. IIM ka Sarkari Babu says:

    Hmmm… Not as good as I expected it to be… You could have made it more detailed and used less parties… Lalu thing was not needed… but all-in-all, well written :)

  4. RGB says:

    Enjoyed the political take on football.

  5. Neha says:

    nice one Tavish..you have covered many names in here..I liked the presentation and dragging teams in the post is a wonderful thing to do..good luck buddy :)

  6. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    LP
    hehe haan aur fir bahar bhi phokwa diya :P

  7. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Sree
    hehe yeah… thanks buddy…

  8. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Varun
    hmmm am glad the expectations are higher… i wanted to include more stuff but then it woud have become too long… I was having a problem with that… lalu thing toh was needed yaar… uske bina satire kaise bangea :P

  9. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    RGB
    Thanks buddy… :)

  10. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Neha
    Thanks allot Neha… that was really sweet of u… all the best to u too… :)

  11. Shilpa Garg says:

    A very creative and different post, Tavish!
    A wonderful satire!!
    All the best for the contest.
    Cheers :)

  12. Rumya says:

    An excellent one Tavish!! :D
    You have really observed these political parties and politicians to the minutest detail. It sounded as if we were listening to their interviews on the telly. ;)
    I can picture them as they say all these idiotic things!! Double Thumbs Up!! :D
    All The Very Best!! Waka Waka!! :)

  13. pushpee says:

    Nice..very original..shows the team spirit…enjoyed reading..all the best!!!
    Pushpee

  14. Bikramjit says:

    ha ha ha seems we got the same topic again… Enjoyed reading the article .. good one..
    All the best Chadha sahib….

  15. BK Chowla, says:

    I knew of your talent but you could be so naughty and humorous has been seen today.
    It is excellent post and I am going to FLAG this
    Keep up the good work

  16. Nethra says:

    You are surely growing as a writer. This was the best writings of yours that I have read, until now. Great going! All the best for the contest!

    PS: Please do something about your layout or page design. It takes one helluva time to load.

  17. Ritu says:

    Interesting. Waka Waka to you too Tavish. Wonder what our Jaatland and Punjab would have to say about Football

  18. Parth J Dave says:

    Enjoyed the lovely read, Tavish! Your hilarious take on this topic is simply a winner! Way to go, buddy!

  19. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Shilpa
    Thanks Shilpa. All the best to you too! :)

  20. Samadrita says:

    OMG hilarious.Just the right amount of humor mixed with sarcasm to drive the nail into the coffin :)
    Blog-rolling you now!

    P.S: Your layout is a close second to Sid's first when it comes to slowing down my browser. :P

  21. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Rumya
    hey that was a really sweet comment… thanks for the encouragement… all the best to u too! :)

  22. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    pushpee
    Hey thanks alot… yeah I do have a lovely team.. all the best to u too!!

  23. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Bikramjit
    aaaha is it? Still gotta read urs.. will do so soon… all the best to u too buddy!

  24. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    BK Chowla
    Thank you so much sir… am flattered… :)

  25. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Nethra
    Thnak you so much Netra… as for the blog… well, I have been looking aroud for better templates… will probably off load a few templates… that would make it faster… thanks for the inputs :)

  26. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Ritu
    hehe yeah i know.. i wanted to inclue Badal and gang too but it would have become to leangthy… will probably write apart two… :P

    Thanks for the comments… waka waka! :D

  27. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Parth
    Thank you so much buddy… all the best to u too :)

  28. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Samadrita
    aww thanks u so much… that was flattering… about the blog -well, will off load a few widgets soon…

  29. magiceye says:

    very creative take on the theme!

    best wishes for the contest!

  30. Smitha says:

    LOL! That was a laugh riot, Tavish! Football has to be our politicians favourite game. They spend most of their time, kicking blame on to each other or kicking away responsibility :) Do you think it could become our national game soon?

    This was such a fun, fun read! All the best, Tavish!

  31. writerzblock says:

    ROfL! That was awesome, Tavish!!! All the best…

  32. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    magiceye
    Thanks buddy… all the best to u too!

  33. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Smitha
    oh yeah they love the kicking… but nothing reaches the goal in the need… does it? ;)

    national game? hehe… well, if that dioes happen we would be the first nation who suck terribly at r national game :P

    thanks buddy… and all the best to the whole team! :D

  34. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Pal
    Thanks Pal… all the best to you too!

  35. hitesh rawat says:

    yaayyy……..Mine was the best….. :D

    okay…all of it was top notch…..

  36. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Hitesh
    hehe thnaks!

  37. Insignia says:

    I enjoyed these interviews a lot :-)

    Very nicely brought in the politicians blame game.

  38. Rajlakshmi says:

    lolzzz :D loved the interview…
    very creative and witty dialogues :D
    enjoyed reading :D

  39. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    insignia
    Thanks allot buddy… glad u liked it :)

  40. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Rajlakshmi
    Thanks buddy. Glad u liked reading it :)

  41. le embrouille blogueur says:

    :P … well done. What about Mr.PraNOB Mukkerjee. What would he have to say ?

  42. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    Prerna
    Thanks buddy. :)

  43. Tavish Chadha(sensible-bakwas.com) says:

    le embrouille blogueur
    Thank you so much and welcome to Sensible bakwas.
    As for mr Pranob Mukkerjee, we tried getting a word from him, but he was busy. :P

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